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The Church’s Purpose
Membership (Fellowship):
To provide a fellowship where people can encourage one another and find support in the family
of God.
Maturity (Discipleship):
To encourage the uncommitted to become committed and grow in maturity so they might become
fully devoted followers of Christ.
Ministry (Service):
To equip believers for service to use their God-given gifts for works in ministry.
Missions (Outreach):
To attract and bring the unsaved to
Jesus Christ.
Magnification (Worship):
To provide a climate in which personal spiritual worship can occur.
I'm sure glad this isn't the way it is
Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying
and hearing the following:
Thank you for calling heaven.
For English press 1
For Spanish press 2
For all other languages, press 3
Please select one of the following
options:
Press 1 for request
Press 2 for thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for all others
I
am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and
we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.
If you would like to speak to:
God, press 1
Jesus, press 2
Holy spirit, press 3
To find a loved
one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter his social security # followed by the pound sign.
(If you
receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666)
For reservations to heaven, please enter
JOHN followed by the numbers, 3 - 16.
For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, life and other planets, please wait until you arrive in heaven for
the specifics.
Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up and call again tomorrow.
The office
is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.
If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.
Thank you and have
a heavenly day.
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