Redneck Valentine Poem
Collards is green,
my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky
to
have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than
Blue's
and without all them fleas.
You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got
no scales
but I luv you anyway.
Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as
fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.
You have some'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head
high
when we're in a crowd.
On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm
in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did
to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch
up life's troubles
and fix what you can.
Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean
like those far ants
I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark
up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.
When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is
complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.
Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'.
despite
all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like
a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentine's Day;
They git it
at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.
Some men git roses
on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger.
"That's
impressive," I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds
are forever,"
they explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey,
these won't do.
Cause yor'e too special,
you
sweet thang you.
I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds...
IT'S
A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!!
